How Did Scuderia Ferrari Take Top Spot At The Australian Grand Prix? Ask the Grid Kids or Team Haas

Sebastian Vettel nabbed the Formula 1 season opener in Melbourne Australia for Scuderia Ferrari, leaving Lewis Hamilton wondering what the fuck went wrong after having a comfortable 10+ sec lead. Having struggled to pass teammate Kimi Räikkönen, Vettel opted to stay out on the Super-softs for a much longer stint than Räikkönen or leader Hamilton. Had there not been a safety car, hint hint, Vettel would have been out of the podium places in fifth or sixth place after his stop, but the "gamble" paid off when both Haas cars stopped out on track following problems in the pits.

That "gamble" that Vettel had referred to is believed to have been was orchestrated by Ferrari Team Principal, Maurizio Arrivabene and Haas Team Principal, Guenther Steiner.

After supplying Team Haas with the F062 engine for the 2018 season, certain arrangements were made. "Sometimes you may be called upon to do a certain thing ... at a certain time..." Arrivabene was heard saying.

Well that time had come on Sunday afternoon.

The text came... "You know what to do. We need a safety car."

Team Haas's first attempt at sending Kevin Magnussen out of pit lane with a wheel that wasn't properly attached bore no relevance to the situation since Magnussen got his car out of traffic. Luckily for Haas, Romain Grosjean knew how to stop his car mid-track, as to require a Yellow Flag. With the field slowed, the time lost for pitting was massively reduced and Vettel was able to exit the pits just ahead of Hamilton’s Mercedes and Team Haas had fulfilled its obligation to Scuderia Ferrari. “(It was) pretty good...ya” said Vettel. “We got a bit lucky (giggling), obviously, with the safety car, but yeah. I really enjoyed it. I mean, great turnout today. I saw the grandstands with the people and flags and colors and the Grid Kids! I really enjoyed the lap coming back in and for the race, my start I was hoping to be a bit better. Didn’t really work, so I had to settle for third and then, towards the end of that stint, I lost a little bit of the connection to Lewis and Kimi ahead and then poof, it was like a miracle happened ... so my start didn't matter at all. Maybe it was good luck from the "Grid Kids".

Editor's notes; The grid kids were stupid and the commercial breaks were 3 minutes long but the occasional porn music was quite nice. ESPN did issue a formal apology for the awful broadcast.

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