Is This Lamb? Can it Be Found on a Doorjamb? ... or is this Jesus? Either Way, It's Just Delicio

On this first day of April, the second day of Passover and on the Rising third day, I can't help but to think, What The Fuck?!?

I begin with Passover or "Safety first, don't kill your first kid".

It is written that ten plagues befell Egypt before the Israelites were allowed to pack up and get their asses outta there. Frogs, locusts, a river of blood and other kookiness befell the land and water with no response from the hierarchs of the pyramid folk, let alone from the Pharaoh himself.

An instructional message was then sent from God to the Israelites, via Moses, to mark the doorposts of their homes with the blood of a slaughtered spring lamb and, upon seeing this, the spirit of the Lord knew to pass over the first-born in these homes. Those that did not bear the mark with the blood of a spring lamb would see their first born child die. Somehow the all-knowing God needed a sign.

When the Pharaoh finally freed the Israelites, after watching his son die, it is said that the lot left in such a hurry that they could not wait for bread dough to rise (leaven). The Pharaoh noticed this and then placed a curse on the Israelites ... no leavened bread shall be made during Passover. "Matzo (flat unleavened bread) is cursed upon the Jewish faith, especially onto the first born children!" Now, dry mouths fill the land until someone finally gets them a glass of water so that they can swallow.

I'm happy to report that I am the second born so this would not have affected me in the least but I still find it pretty fucked up.

Easter or "I'm a zombie that you drink blood from and gnaw on".

It's written that Jesus Christ was crucified, died and laid to rest ... but on the third day of said rest, he came back to life. Christians celebrate this by drinking his blood and eating his body.

I can kind of picture it...

Jesus comes out of his tomb and the hordes see him. Shouts of, "Oh my God! It's Him! It's Him!" & "He's Alive!"

"OMG, we should eat him and get his powers!" can surely not be that hard to imagine.

Jews eat lamb for Passover because lamb's blood protected them from death by their God. Christians eat lamb on Easter because Jesus is referred to as the "Lamb of God".

In the Christian church, one eats the "Body of Christ" regularly. When one confesses a sin, or takes communion, then one gets to drink his blood as well. A pinch of cannibalism? Yummy Jesus! This is the best Christ I've ever tasted.

I'm just kidding ... April Fool's everybody!

These tales are perfectly sane and enlightened! Ugh ... christ

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