MTV Releases Public Apology for Creating "Reality TV": "Sorry For the Mess, We're

Late Tuesday evening, Music Television (MTV) released this public apology: (read by Kurt Loder)

"We at MTV, with much regret, have realized that we have imposed a horrific grievance upon humanity ... "Reality TV". We thought it would've been a good laugh. We had no idea that it would have or could have turned into such a horrific monster that we all endure on a regular basis. We are truly sorry for this. We will return to an all music format shortly."

Mr. Loder (formerly MTV's news anchor, intellectual and music aficionado) was visibly choked up upon reading the statement and was overheard saying, "It's about God-damned time"

Mr. Loder continued by laying out MTV's new format:

"We will be bringing back the original MTV Veejays (including the resurrected J.J. Jackson) Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter and the ever quirky Martha Quinn, along with "Downtown" Julie Brown, Flavor Flav and the corpse of Kurt Cobain ... as we couldn't resurrect him but luckily Courtney (Love) has kept him in her closet all these years. He'll serve as our guardian angel."

"Jersey Shores, The Challenge, Teen Mom, Teen Mom 2, Teen Mom 3, 16 & Pregnant, 12 & Menstruating, 13 & Horned Up, 14 & Still Wanking, 15 & Really Fucking Frustrated, and most definitely 'The Real World' will absolutely be scrapped, as the world has had quite enough of that!"

Episodes of Jackass, Eon Flux and Beavis & Butt-Head will be aired on MTV2 for the next month as to appease the heroin-esque addictive properties of these bizarre gems.

MTV has also sent this simple letter to the White House:

"Please get off the air."

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