Stephen Fry Conducts the First of a Multi-Part Exclusive LRN Interview With GOD!!!

We at La République Nationale (LRN) are honored to bring you this exclusive interview with God (GOD), presented in several parts. We begin the series by introducing you to the veteran actor and playwright Stephen Fry and a wholly holy meet and greet with God.

Mr. Fry (LRN) Accredited for the creation of everything, God's list of accomplishments are quite mind bogglingly astonishing and far too great to list here, so without further ado, I'm truly humbled to introduce to you ... God.

God Thank you Stephen. It's a pleasure to be here.

LRN Well God ... may I call you God?

GOD Of course.

LRN Thank you God. It's an absolute honor to have you here. The obvious question would be in regards to your appearance today ... It seems, and correct me if I'm wrong...

GOD Oh yeah, I will

LRN Yes ... yes of course. It seems as if you are presenting yourself in the form of a flaming pile of poop emoji.

GOD I've come before you as a flaming pile of shit. Let's not muddle words, Stephen ... A flaming pile of Shit!

LRN Would you explain?

GOD Yeah, sure. I'm using some irony ... if I were made in "man's" image right now, this is what I'd be. I'm using it as a visual metaphor for your readers.

LRN I don't quite follow.

GOD Y'all are shit!

LRN Ah, yes, quite. I think I see what you're getting at.

GOD Do you? Do you see what I'm getting act? What the hell are you jackasses doing?

LRN You seem quite angry with us, God. Is this the preface to Armageddon and your bringing on the End of Days with all the devastation and tragedy that's being felt throughout the planet?

GOD Meh ... Yeah, I'm angry but I'm not bringing about Armageddon. You morons are bringing it yourself. You certainly don't need any help from me in that department.

LRN I beg your pardon?

GOD Beg all you want, we'll see about that pardon, just kidding. In the last 2000 of your earth years y'all have had a somewhat sustainable population of one billion, give or take, and then, in the last 200 years, you've added 6 billion more people with gluttonous needs on top of becoming an industrialized planet! ...and you didn't think there'd be repercussions? You guys are destroying the planet and you're surprised that it's been fighting back...

...And more importantly, why would you think it's me? I created a beautiful and harmonious balance on earth and you fucks are mucking it up! You're perpetuating a mass extinction! I spent a lot of time fine tuning the biodiversity of this planet and in 200 years you lot have wiped away a great deal of my work.

LRN Are you referring to Global Warming/Climate Change and dare I ask, Is it real?

GOD Is it real? Of course it's real! 7 billion people farting everyday is going to absolutely stink up the place and yes, change the climate! ... but not only that, you added a giant industrial machine that you people call progress ... Yes, dumb-ass, it's real. You had Tesla and you let those fucks, Edison and Rockefeller dictate your world.

LRN I'm assuming you're referring to inventor, engineer and physicist, Nikola Tesla?

GOD Yes, Nikola Tesla. The man figured out how to harness the energy of the planet without ravaging it. You numb-nuts let Edison and Rockefeller brutally destroy his noble brilliance with their ferocious appetites to gobble up resources vs. living in harmony. Stop following small-dicked humorless cretins! ...Cuz what you're about to deal with is the wrath of Neptune and he's fucking pissed!

LRN Neptune, as in the God of the Sea?

GOD Yeah, that's him. I've got nothing to do with Armageddon but Neptune has a wrath that's gonna tear shit up and make you believe that Armageddon is upon you!

LRN But you're God?

GOD Yeah, I'm God and Neptune is the God of the Sea. It's complicated. All I can say is that He's the fucker y'all need to be worrying about. I get more daily calls from him than I did in the last 100 years from Cubs fans, so there's that. Those piles of petroleum plastics floating around his oceans aren't helping you guys at all. He's about to fuck y'all up if you don't sort that crap out.

I've gotta bail, there's a universe to look after. We'll talk soon & stop having so many God-damned kids! Less is more!

LRN Quick question before you go, God. Our readers want to know what car you drive and why is there a mariachi band here?

GOD The Maybach Concept 6 Convertible, who do you think commissioned it? ...And who doesn't like a mariachi band? See ya!

La République Nationale would like to humbly thank God for granting us this exclusive interview and we (LRN) would like to welcome you (YOU), the reader, back for this continuing series.

Part II: Woody Harrelson Continues With God...How We're Treating Each Other

LRN What's the biggest misconception about you?

GOD I'm not religious.

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