If Ya Didn't Feel Old Enough ... These Cars Now Qualify For Antique Plates

As I've spent the last few months in rural Wisconsin I've noticed certain cars wearing distinctive markings. Blue license plates with red numberings. Collector's plates.

"Wait What?"

Cars that were new when I was a kid.

Cars that in my mind were just cars.

Some that were wickedly cool, some that were truly awful, and somehow now ... they are all Collector's cars, or Classic cars, or the most dreaded ... Antique cars.

"Wait what? How is this possible? It hasn't been that long, has it?!?"

Well Fuck! ... it has. Classic plates are made throughout "These UNITED States of America" albeit with requisites varying between 20 to 32 years. Why 32 years? Ask the Rocky Mountain state. Maybe that's how many ships sank whilst Molly Brown was aboard but regardless, that is the standard with which I will be using. (The state is Colorado).

We're talkin' about cars that are at least 32 years old. That's 1988. 1988 qualifies as an antique car in the automotive license plate world. I'm not sure where the demarcation line between relic and antique lies but that's not what we're going to lament upon today ... nor is it in this series.

So without further ado, I present two gems of the era. A bubble-back foreign exchange student and a fair lady that popped my cherry.

The Mercury Capri "Bubble-Back" RS 1983-1986 (the foreign exchange)

Initially designed and made for the European market, the Ford Motor Company melded the nameplate with the young stallion that was prancing about the states for its second iteration. While visually similar to the Mustang and based on the Fox-body platform, the Capri was a different beast.

The grill, front fascia, dark tinted taillamps and widened front and rear fenders gave the Capri a unique look. But it wasn't until the front air damn and "bubble-back" rear window were added did the Capri really come to its own. And brotha, she did.

She was kinda like Mustang's cousin that came to visit for the summer that you'd jump a fence with and go midnight skinny dipping in the public pool with. The Capri was a foreign exchange student... and you got into trouble with her.

Yes, I used a gender term. I don't wish to offend anyone with that but I always considered the Capri to be a girl. I'm pretty fucking gay but I'd hop over the fence with her.

The Nissan "Fairlady" 300ZX 1978-1983

Back in 1984 when I was fifteen, a friend of the family stopped by for a visit on a cold ass winter night. She was a sexier version of Cher that I happened to share the same birthdate with (not year). She slyly passed me a set of keys without my parents knowing. "You should go for a ride", she said.

I followed her recommendation and found myself in front of a new Nissan 280ZX. I then quickly found myself behind the wheel of said Z.

I was in a cockpit. A fucking cockpit! Before me was a bonnet that stretched out long and hard with some interior lighting that begged for some sexy action. I complied. The acceleration was staggering. The steering was perfection but most of all, it was the first car that I'd driven past 100mph. 128mph to be exact. I shot my load!

I returned home and slyly passed the keys back to Diane with a simple "thank you". My parents only asked what I was smiling so much about.

... my cherry was popped.

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