The WHO Allows the 2020 World Water Sports Festival to Go On! Golden Showers For All!

In the wee hours of May 29th, the World Health Organization (WHO) sent a memo to the World Water Sports Society (WWSS) ... (commonly referred to as Wzzz) that they'd been given the all clear to hold their annual Water Sports Festival.

The crowds rejoiced whilst Wzzz Chairman, Frederick Van Tinkle pissed himself as he announced the good news. "We are all very excited today. I'm sure that there are quite a few people here pissing their pants," he said with a gleeful wink.

The WHO has determined that urine is not a vessel that the Covid19 virus can be transmitted by*. Also, the "6 feet of separation" guideline is easily followed by the Wzzz participants.

"Are you kidding? 6' feet? Come on! For our long distance pissers, qualification begins at 8' feet. 6' is for amateurs," festival organizer, Klaus Von Sprinkle, explained. "We're setting up the tiers and tubs like we did in Hamburg in 1976. Lots of distance splashing will be had."

"This is a great day for us but let's not forget that it's not the first time that we've had to overcome a pandemic. One has to remember that the WWSS began in 1618 when we erected "Manneken Pis" ... the peeing boy of Brussels. We and urine have overcome many pandemics since then."

"People forget how sterile and pure urine is, hence why it is so magical and why we celebrate it. It's not called a 'Golden Shower" for nothing."

Fritz the Spritzer Man will be hosting the event and Fräulein Madonna will be handing out the coveted "Golden Pisser" award. All are invited to join in the fun but the event organizers remind and request that participants refrain from eating asparagus two days prior to the event. Beets are fine as this isn't a fucking shit-show nor is the event held in Belgium this year!

This article is dedicated to the men in my life. My best friends Scott "Bulldog" Swann (gay) & Turtle O'Toole (straight) "Happy Birthday Fucktards!" ...also to my brother Judd Van Vliet. Love you guys. Now, let's piss the day away!

*this is satire. as of today, it is unlikely that the Covid19 virus cannot be transmitted through urine. it is in poop though.

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